The Spheres of Influence
Internal silence is sometimes hard to achieve. As much as you try and try, there is always something that wants to grab your attention. Sometimes, it is something tangible, such as a doorbell or a random sound that you have never heard of outside of your window. Other times, it could be the complete absence of any sound of all. The toughest thing to do is to be still because the inner voice tends to be a jerk.
I have never had it thoroughly explained to me yet, but for some reason, the brain continually has something on its mind. I get that it is a tough gig to have. After all, without the brain doing its job, we would not have survived as a species. Lizard brain takes care of all of our needs, such as eating food, seeking shelter, running away from imminent danger, drinking water, and finding someone attractive. It is the more sophisticated portions of our noggin that I wish would learn some manners.
For example, you are in dire need of slumber, and it is right before you are about to drift into a sleep that the brain decides its time to replay its top ten list of things to worry about. Then, once you begin the fear cycle, the mind sends signals to pump adrenaline into the system to make sure the heart knows it isn't time to sleep yet. Even worse, you have convinced yourself that things are not as bad as it seems, then you sleep for a couple of hours. You wake up for whatever reason, and the brain decides to go over the list again.
It is also annoying when you are in a conversation with someone, and you really need to pay attention. I blame the right hemisphere for giving me images that may or may not have to do with the conversation. For example, it might decide to wander through the woods during an important meeting. The left side gets annoyed, and an argument ensues to the point where everything was missed, and I have to depend on others. The left hemisphere is often busy either processing or coming up with something to agree or counteract the words it is processing. The right side wants to visualize different things, mostly lunch or a television show. Another argument kicks in, and I have to use the standby, "Sorry, what did you say?" When they are both acting up while at the same time trying to present the correct facial expressions, it tends to get loud inside there.
The toughest part of someone who favors the right side over the left is when I need to focus. I can focus, but only in small bursts, apparently ten minutes before something is due. I understand that some love spreadsheets, forms, and endless amounts of paperwork that has to be filled out in triplicate. I wonder who thought of the colors in triplicates. White I get, it is the most common color of paper. Whoever thought of goldenrod and salmon might be a left-brainer pretending to be a right-brainer. See what I mean, I was supposed to talk about focusing, and I go on a mini-rant about colors of paper. To continue, I can focus, balance numbers, answer emails, and other mundane things that we are required to do. If it is something that can involve the right side, I tend to have a longer stretch of productivity.
Well, that is until someone comes into the room, or I hear a pleasing sound outside. Then the right side tells the left to get stuffed and takes over the body to engage in conversation or to find out what that noise was. After a few minutes, the left begins to pump guilt into the system, and then I can go back to whatever I was doing. That is until an email comes in, and we repeat the process. So, my day is filled with internal arguments about focus versus pleasing thoughts and ideas.
It has taken some time to find the internal referee to balance these two. I don't recall when it happened, but there was an awakening of some sort that said, "Both cannot rule you!" Life is about balance, and without it, we sometimes lose who we are. We risk losing creativity and passion, and at the same time, we risk losing logic and reason. It is a tricky thing, this balance stuff, especially when driving or in the heat of a dispute. With practice, tons of practice, it has actually given me more calm. I thought of this while problem-solving with my supervisor, and the comment of me "being chill" was made. My internal response was, "Oh, if you only knew the bickering that is going on in my mind." My verbal response was, "Thanks."
As a side note, I am writing this in the evening when I should be preparing for tomorrow.
I have never had it thoroughly explained to me yet, but for some reason, the brain continually has something on its mind. I get that it is a tough gig to have. After all, without the brain doing its job, we would not have survived as a species. Lizard brain takes care of all of our needs, such as eating food, seeking shelter, running away from imminent danger, drinking water, and finding someone attractive. It is the more sophisticated portions of our noggin that I wish would learn some manners.
For example, you are in dire need of slumber, and it is right before you are about to drift into a sleep that the brain decides its time to replay its top ten list of things to worry about. Then, once you begin the fear cycle, the mind sends signals to pump adrenaline into the system to make sure the heart knows it isn't time to sleep yet. Even worse, you have convinced yourself that things are not as bad as it seems, then you sleep for a couple of hours. You wake up for whatever reason, and the brain decides to go over the list again.
It is also annoying when you are in a conversation with someone, and you really need to pay attention. I blame the right hemisphere for giving me images that may or may not have to do with the conversation. For example, it might decide to wander through the woods during an important meeting. The left side gets annoyed, and an argument ensues to the point where everything was missed, and I have to depend on others. The left hemisphere is often busy either processing or coming up with something to agree or counteract the words it is processing. The right side wants to visualize different things, mostly lunch or a television show. Another argument kicks in, and I have to use the standby, "Sorry, what did you say?" When they are both acting up while at the same time trying to present the correct facial expressions, it tends to get loud inside there.
The toughest part of someone who favors the right side over the left is when I need to focus. I can focus, but only in small bursts, apparently ten minutes before something is due. I understand that some love spreadsheets, forms, and endless amounts of paperwork that has to be filled out in triplicate. I wonder who thought of the colors in triplicates. White I get, it is the most common color of paper. Whoever thought of goldenrod and salmon might be a left-brainer pretending to be a right-brainer. See what I mean, I was supposed to talk about focusing, and I go on a mini-rant about colors of paper. To continue, I can focus, balance numbers, answer emails, and other mundane things that we are required to do. If it is something that can involve the right side, I tend to have a longer stretch of productivity.
Well, that is until someone comes into the room, or I hear a pleasing sound outside. Then the right side tells the left to get stuffed and takes over the body to engage in conversation or to find out what that noise was. After a few minutes, the left begins to pump guilt into the system, and then I can go back to whatever I was doing. That is until an email comes in, and we repeat the process. So, my day is filled with internal arguments about focus versus pleasing thoughts and ideas.
It has taken some time to find the internal referee to balance these two. I don't recall when it happened, but there was an awakening of some sort that said, "Both cannot rule you!" Life is about balance, and without it, we sometimes lose who we are. We risk losing creativity and passion, and at the same time, we risk losing logic and reason. It is a tricky thing, this balance stuff, especially when driving or in the heat of a dispute. With practice, tons of practice, it has actually given me more calm. I thought of this while problem-solving with my supervisor, and the comment of me "being chill" was made. My internal response was, "Oh, if you only knew the bickering that is going on in my mind." My verbal response was, "Thanks."
As a side note, I am writing this in the evening when I should be preparing for tomorrow.
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