Boogie Nights!

Disclaimer - This posting is explicit and gross.

 So, I am going to create a bridge from the earlier posting on Poopy Play-Doh and get a bit more controversial, if that is possible. I want to talk about the inequity we have with boogers. Yes, I am talking about those pieces of dried mucous that seem to take refuge in our nasal passages until we cannot ignore them any longer. "Ewwwwww!" gasps the reader; "we cannot talk about THAT!" My question for you is, why can we not have an honest dialogue about them? New parents have delightfully described to me the consistency of their newborn's diapers repeatedly. Friends have expressed to me their favorite "toilet cloggers" with great relish. We find the gas expulsions of others humorous. Real children know over ten different body parts they can use to emulate the "tooting" noise.

 So, I will stand on a razor's edge and dare to advocate for the booger. We dare not talk about them, and for the life of me, I am trying to figure that part out. We can speak of murder, scandals, horrific crimes, and other sundries on our national news, but picking one's nose is considered rude or deviant? People will honestly shudder when they see someone pick a goober and then look at it. To me, that is them checking their health. Sure, kids delight in eating their nose nuggets, but who could blame them. After all, they can be a source of protein.

 As I do not want you to make the gagging noise that I am sure some are already doing, why do we use the word "shit" more often than "booger?" To me, as you might have read earlier, poop is more offensive than boogers are. Yet, when you look at our vernacular, we use the different variations of poop to punctuate how we are feeling. So, as an experiment, let us explore what meaning such phrases might sound like with a bit of substitution:

• You're full of boogers
• Eat boogers
• Boogers, I dropped the roast!
• Oh, (animal) boogers
• Hand me the scraper. I stepped in boogers
• Look, he is boogered faced! 
• Want to get boogered faced?
• He doesn't know boogers from Shinola
• He boogered all over my speech
• What a booger hole! (See Presidential Comments)
• I'm going to make you laugh until boogers fly out
• Well, he smelled like boogers!
• You okay, you look like boogers?
• I banged the boogers out of her/him!
• It wasn't worth a booger!

 I can continue, but I do believe the point has been made. The term booger is so more gentle than the variations of poop. So it makes me wonder why we are so aggressive using such words and venerating crap as being something we need kid's playsets to contain? A final thought before you try to go to sleep. Have you picked a goober so massive that you thought it was once wrapped around your brainstem?

You are welcome!