Intimacy?

Intimacy, what is it? It is one of those words that cause heated debates between philosophers and cause poets to write. This one word invokes so many definitions; we could probably fill a book with different points of view. It is one of those words that make me take a moment and wonder what it means to me.

When you close your eyes, what do you see? Some claim intimacy is when two people engage in physical contact. While many of us consider our parts to be intimate, is it only when we bump parts are we performing intimacy? If we go to Webster's, they define intimacy as "close familiarity or friendship; closeness." Now, with definition, I have something to work with!

A Reflective question, have you been intimate with someone without being intimate with them? There is no judgment with that question whatsoever. Physical relations are what parts of us are built for! We have successfully created a culture that turns one night of exploration with someone who you may never see again into a "walk of shame." I will not dive into that topic right now but suffice to say, we as a species make decisions on the spur of the moment that may have not been in our best interests. Why should this one-act have a moniker attached to it?

However, the inquiry is a valid one. How often does one get to really know someone before nudity ensues? It is a sticky question for sure, but if one wants to achieve true intimacy, ask yourself these questions:

1. What makes _______ happy?
2. What makes _______ sad?
3. What are the dreams of _______ ?
4. What are the favorite songs, artists, movies, actors, authors... of ______?
5. What are ________ favorite colors?
6. What does ________ consider turn-offs? Turn-ons?
7. What does _______ consider to be a perfect day?
8. What are ________ favorite foods?
9. When _______ dreams, what does he/she dream about?
10. What is _______ most passionate about?

There are many more questions besides these ten. The point being, if you are genuinely interested in someone and you cannot answer the questions above, are you achieving intimacy? Here is another couple of questions for you:

1. Is all you can talk to each other about is favorite ways to have or have had sex?
2. When removing the physical part, are there long awkward pauses?
3. How many different topics do you talk about in an hour:?
4. How many times do the topics change, and neither one of you minds?
5. Can you go a length of time just sitting in peace and look at each other, saying nothing?

These are the toughies because it requires self-awareness. These questions also act as a temperature gauge on where you are on the spectrum of true intimacy.

The bottom line is if you are telling others that you have an intimate friend or lover, do you really?